PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

 

Can you have PTSD with a bad experience involving just words?

PTSD

I think you can. I think I am experiencing it currently.

I had PTSD years ago after a bad car accident. One where I came out without a scratch. But the car itself makes you wonder how I even survived. I had flashbacks to that experience for years.

When you think about PTSD, you typically think about those in the military, the ones that have seen combat. They have seen humanity at it’s very worst. They have come up against things that we cannot imagine. I cannot even begin to understand what they are going through.

Currently, I am having crazy flashbacks and bad reactions to seeing a certain name, seeing people that look similar to someone else, or hearing a person talked about. Especially when they are mentioned in a highly positive way. Crazy, right?

name-tag

When I look back, I think what happened was inevitable given that our moral compasses are so different. And I think my actual long term issue is with the reactions of others. From people that actively believe there is something wrong there and turn a blind eye, to others that told me I am too sensitive. And still others that can’t believe I am even bothered at all. I think if it wasn’t for the other people all pointing negative thoughts my way (at the time) I probably would have just moved on and not thought about it much more. I don’t have to agree with everyone or be friends with everyone. I get that.

I do stand by my moral compass. I feel the way I feel and I don’t think, in this instance, that I am wrong. I will gladly admit when I am wrong about something, which is probably often. I cannot support someone that does things which I believe to be morally questionable. I wonder how people can support someone with these morals. I have no idea, but they do. Think to Cesar Milan, many people think he is wonderful. I, however, cannot accept that his methods should even be used. Different moral compass.

compass

I am trying very hard to be positive when others are having positive experiences. I usually am. But in this case, I’m having a hard time with it.

Today I overheard a conversation. Some very nice things were said. It wasn’t a long conversation. Sadly, my initial reaction was a flashback to a horrifying conversation I had. So I forced myself to think about the actual words that were said today and not what was said in the past. And then I thought about all the positive things in there. Good for you! I’m glad you are having a great experience! I hope you continue to have a motivating and positive experience.

Also, I am trying very hard to only say nice things about people. You know, the old saying “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. Luckily, in my life, very few people have given me a reason to be unkind to them. I think I can count it on one hand. All my years of life and only 5 people that I really don’t like. Pretty good, I think.

For those five people: I forgive you for the things that upset me. I hope you have great lives going forward. May your future be bright and may you have lots of fun!

So for the rest of humanity: You are excellent! Keep it up!billandted

I am still struggling with PTSD. I know it’s real. I know it affects my life every day. I hope that I am going to take these experiences and become a better person. One who is caring and motivating and supportive. But it’s hard, oh so very hard.

Tomorrow I will put a nice smile on my face. I will say funny things. I will support my fellow humans. I will move on.

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